What does this mean for her and the family?  No surgery!!  Let me repeat that..  NO SURGERY!

This event was more powerfully burned into my memory than the first exposure to this condition a short year and a half ago.  We walked into Children’s hospital knowing that this could be the fateful day that we found out that our fearless and innocent daughter could soon be exposed to a world of surgery, anesthesia, and confusion that we only hoped we could keep her sheltered from for as long as possible.  We still toiled with the aspects of trying to explain to a 5-year old that the surgery and pain she was experiencing would be for the best in the long term.  I empathise with every parent out there that has to have a young child go through these processes.  God bless you for those never ending nights of anxiety and mental angst you have experienced.

As usual, Mia was a trooper.  She walked into every area and every waiting room with the nervous confidence that was most certainly inherited from her mother and father.  While you could tell she was nervous (and I’m sure she read our emotions like an open book as well) she continued to live life as she always does; with a timid, inquisitive, deep, and humorous aspect to every situation.  I will never forget the jumping from one colored tile to the next on the floor in the waiting room before we entered the ever-dreadful lab for the VCUG.  I sat on the cold, leather-like bench, keeping my mind consumed with visually collecting our toys and other items we brought along to entertain Mia to the point that would place the most OCD sufferer in a state of normalcy.  In those brief moments I wasn’t re-cataloging our distracting items, my attention was focused on the   ‘X-Ray in Session’ sign that would sporadically light up.  I can only explain this sign as looking very similar to a category sign on the 100,000 pyramid game show..  -Shunk- -Shunk-  -shunk-  (the noise I heard in my mind when the light would flash on and off) …  I kept thinking that I would find a little comfort in the illumination if it would have been something close to a Morse code dictation..  Screaming out a message that I might be able to cognitively understand as a reassurance that everything was going to be okay. 

Then it was our time.  When we walked into the room I tried to drown out the exponentially unorganized life outcomes that could be experienced from a 10 minute test.  I surveyed the room studying every warning sign, ceiling tile, storage cabinet, down to the curling edges of the crude 8 1/2 x 11 inventory pages printed on each of the stagnant white cabinets lining the back and side walls of the room.  The room returned a clammy, cold feeling to my body that made me drink down the reality of being in a pseudo clean lab/hospital environment.  But within this moment that seemed to last forever, my eyes were to the ceiling with a dynamic display of a colorful Spirograph-type display that calmed my  nerves.  They had a machine that projected a rainbow, almost psychedelic pattern on the ceiling that Mia would be able to look at while she was having her tests done.  This almost instantly calmed me to the point that I could focus on reassuring the love of my life that this test would be better than the exact one she received less than two years ago.  The nurses and doctors were the best that we had experienced up to this point traveling down this path.  They were very understanding, caring, and were able to comfort Mia as much as they could regarding the events that were going to quickly unfold. 

A couple minutes later they brought out a portable DVD player and Mia was able to watch a princess video while she was having the procedure done.  WHEW!  I knew once the TV came out, that everything was going to be okay.  Hell, I can’t get her attention when she gets locked into iCarly or anything else when she is at home watching TV, so this should be her anthesia that will carry her through this discomforting test.

Well,  I was right.  Other than some minor discomfort with the VCUG, she walked through the process like a pro!  At this point, it was waiting and then visiting with the dr after the results were ready.

Okay, I admit, we had a little sneak peak commentary from techs/Drs during the scan…  We had heard that things looked much better at this point, but we didn’t take anything that they said to heart, cause we had a date with our current destiny in a short 20 minutes from the scan…

As initially mentioned, the results turned out to be an amazing improvement in the right direction. In a short amount of time for us, which is much longer in the duration of Mia’s life, her kidney reflux was waining and my heart turned from one that was digressing to one that was peering over the mountain and realizing that it was shortly going to be a more relaxing journey down the opposite side of the hill towards recovery.

To this point, the journey that we traveled was a long one.  After science and technology was initially ensued, we were facing the eventual reality of the surgery that would hopefully reject the dysfunction of Mia’s urethra.  But everything in life seems to happen for a reason.  The initial doctor that we had retired and we were blessed to obtain the current doc that pushed us towards not operating, but waiting for an additional amount of time to see if the reflux would correct itself.  So, we took the advise of a very smart doctor and waited and through this time we now understand that this was the correct approach for us.  While I applaud modern medicine, it can sometimes try to eject the laws of nature.  In this case, I think that without modern medicine, we would have never known the problems that Mia had been facing and I don’t think she would have been blessed to be in this world for as long as she’ll be.  But in the same token, it’s a good lesson on how far we really have to go with intervening in natures plan.  We try to fix everything right away before we really know that it’s a problem. 

But we cannot rule out spirituality in the entire process.  I think that the issues that Mia had faced were there for a reason and that the energy that was focused her way during the initial tests, following appointments, and up to now really focused her improvements and eventual recovery from the damaging effects of this abnormality.  We are all on this earth for a specific reason and we’ll never know that cosmic goal until that process is completed.  But I think that the energies that we convey, as well as portray to others, is a guiding light for all of us as human beings to understand that there is something beyond the body, the skin, the molecules making up our scientific reality.  It’s an energy that cannot be explained by any mathematical formula.

Mia, I’m so glad that you are getting better and I’m sooo excited that you’re starting Kindergarten this year. 

Make Dad prouder (cause you’re already a shining star in my book)

Signed,

A relieved father.

While I’m only a young sapling with a massive amount  of sap behind my branches, I think that I can still give a small amount of comfort and reassurance to your fears and anxieties of trying to understand and face the realities of life after the exit of someone that was so solarly-polarized that they could change and effect your lives dramatically by their actions.

There is an energy in life that is always present.  Whether it be in the blowing of the autumn breeze, picking up and detaching the expressed leaves which fulfilled their environmental requirements; to the dandelion seeds pressing towards the sky to dance their way into a more fertile environment to promote their species, we as a spiritual being are required to procreate forward.  And with those procreating aspects, the underling reality is that we are always here..  Regardless of whether we are in human form, spiritual form, ionic form, we are always present.

Just remember that you are going through a spiritual winter.. The hardening of reality and freezing of emotions that are typically fluid with energy have come to a crossroads in reality.  They’re confused on how they should approach the next level.  Don’t let these energies consume your own life into a comatose reality of misunderstanding.  Like any winter, there is a defrost and an experience of excitement of what’s possible.  While we know there are many aspects of the spirtual spring that will be normal, this defrost will be faced with the realities of physical absence of something  that we cannot control.  What we must do is face these empty holes and fill them with the spiritual spackling of the past life and move forward.  This spackling is not an ignorant posting of times past, but instead, a commitement on how we are going to consume these historical events into our future commitments to our current reality.

While the past seems to dictacte what we will see and experience in the future, the present gives us a different role to play.  We have the ability to take the experiences learned and portray them into the future as standard procedures.  While your life is rocked with discomfort now, you will soon be able to understand and embrace the changes that your father has made on this reality, and how those changes will impact the multitudes around you.

So, the next time you think that your miniscule actions will not change the world, I want you to think…  How did Tracy’s Dad influce your life?

Once you answer that question.. you can move forward.

All my love to you and your family Tracy…

Sara and I are prepared for an amazing night at the high school reunion and the girls are ready to live it up with a little bit of karaoke at the Milliron reunion; topped with great family, friends and then even more karaoke late into the night!

The summer lives on with great fun, great friends and amazing family!  Life doesn’t get any better than this!!!!

If you think back, it was a short 10 years ago that you spotted that young oak tree swaying in the breeze;  showing all of its young passion through the massive display of branches and leaves perching the summer sun with a green vitality of spirit and kinetic energy.

That was the time that you decided that you would accept the responsibilities of nurturing and rearing the growing pains of such a young sapling without many responsibilities of your own.

Soon that love spawned into two additional branches in our new mutual family.  While we comforted these two new offspring, we understood that sooner than later, they would be a separate part of our lives; hoping that they would mold and develop most of their traits from both of us.  We both weathered many storms and you stood strong in your efforts, while over time I lost almost half of my trunk of life through the death of my father and grandfather within one year.

But regardless of the storms you stood steadfast.   You had a unyielding desire to embrace the loss, mark it as a life lesson, and move life (and the family) forward.  While I was in an emotional coma, I cannot imagine the sacrifices that you went through during this difficult period in my life and I thank you for standing by me during those tumultuous times.  To this day I cannot believe that I made it through this period without having a total mental breakdown.

But here we stand, 10 years into our lives together and facing so many more unknown challenges to conquer, endure, and then embrace the damages.  I only hope that our triumphs will be more than impressionable on our daughters.

I cannot imagine my life with anyone else and I hope you know this.  There is not a day that goes by that I wish I could be able to spend more time with you and not have to deal with the aspects of ‘common life’.  I know that our love will grow stronger throughout the years, regardless of the challenges that face us.

I just want you to remember that it doesn’t matter if we have a house, it doesn’t matter if we have cars, it doesn’t matter if we have materlistic objects adorned by society.  What matters most is that you are here with me.

I do not want to walk down the path of life without you and I hope that you are here in this world longer than I am.  Because life would not be worth living without my friend, my partner, and my soulmate next to me.

I love you so much… Happy Anniversary Babe!

Ed

CAMPVILLE 2010 is quickly approaching in less than 4 days and we are like ants recreating our mound after a ‘Katrina-sized’ human ‘shoeing’ event.  I can’t even explain how many to do, to buy, to pack lists we have right now..  If we survive after this Wednesday’s checkbook cardiac arrest of purchases, it’ll be smooth sailing over the next 10 days.  I cannot explain how amazing it is to get out of the hell of the city and enjoy life the way it should be.  No cars, no traffic, no queues, no congestion, just pure nature, unabated environmental fun for all…

There is an internal liberation when you enter the farm and your cell phone stops working…  No contact to the outside world..  Fan-@W#%@#$@#-tastic!!

I’ll leave the rest to your imagination, but soon… very soon..  It’ll be reality for me.

Nice.

It’s very nice to have soo many campgrounds so close to home…

I was flying solo this weekend as Sara was living it up out in San Diego at her cousin’s wedding, so there was a little bit more anxiety on my part to keep the kids wrangled together, packing down the camper and managing the trip home.

All in all, the 6th camping trip of the season was great.  Every time I head up the long winding hill out of the farm, I get a little teary eyed…  It’s just so amazing to be out in the middle of nowhere.  I never want to leave…

It will be so nice to get away from the traffic, from the congestion, from technology, from cell phones, from the hell of living in a metropolis for the purer living of nature and the family.  While this trip will be a short weekend, we will be piggy-backing this weekend with memorial day for a double hitter dose of 100 acres of quiet relaxation.

I’ve been spoiled with the first three trips of the camping season.  We have had electricity (air conditioning) and city water for the first couple ventures of the season and it will be great to finally get back to some dry camping.  My words cannot explain how emotional it will be for me to be sitting around that campfire the first night, staring up into a dark sky, not congested by noxious urban sprawl lighting and the sounds of putrid automobiles driving up and down the streets.

Give me the simple life…  I’m ready…

And what a first selection we had…

• 1 dozen farm fresh eggs…
• A bag of cornmeal
• two ears of popcorn
• Cilantro
• Asparagus
• Radishes
• Rhubarb
• Scallions
• A head of Romaine Lettuce
• 1 lb hamburger

I’m soo excited to see what next friday has to offer!!!

You don’t have your own CSA??  What not??  Sign up here  –>   http://www.localharvest.org

Thanks Sycamore Spring Farm!!  Check out more about my special CSA here –>  http://www.sycamorespringfarm.org

Don’t buy into the hype of today’s reality.  Make your own decisions, draw your own conclusions, and make sure you get all of the information before you give in to the ‘easy path’.

NOBODY is looking out for you, so make sure that you are looking out for yourself….  This is something I teach my daughters each day and I hope you do to everyone you know as well…

MEDIA and ADVERTISING is NOT out for your best interest…

Eat healthy, Eat local, drink local, and treasure the ecology around you…  before it’s too late…